Failure equals Discovery

I was sitting down at my desk contemplating why I'm sitting at this desk doing shit
that I really feel is wasting my time... but a job is a job.

So I started to think of all the many forks in my road... First was ballet. In my head,
I was going to be a professional ballerina. It did not matter what my teachers would
say or the snide comments from girls in class about my body type and how I was "Dolly
Parton," I was going to make it big! And when my body starts to wear down (at 30 yrs),
I would be this gloriously amazing teacher. Well, that didn't happen. I started this complex
that I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take the snide comments anymore and let
it rip me open. I couldn't make myself walk back into the studio anymore. I failed.

I failed so many endeavors after that. Becoming inspired to be: An opera singer (true story),
a vet tech, a hair stylist (but I couldn't get past the stereotypes), a tutu maker/fashion designer, a nutritionist, life coach, nanny, and the list continues... None of which really seems to make sense to me.

When will the failures end and the discoveries start?? Well, I guess it will start when I
put on different glasses... The "I'm not listening to anyone but myself" glasses. The "I am a blank canvas and can slap any paint I want on" glasses.

So what to paint??... Too many options.... I could always start with talents...

*Crickets.

I'm just not satisfied sitting here at a desk answering calls and doing people's work for them and watch others advance to higher positions. I'm not meant to be stuck at a desk... no, not me. Whenever I look out the window, the blinds always seem to transform themselves to bars. I'm stuck!!

I'm hoping that I find it within myself to indulge in the crazy daydreams I find myself
entertaining during the day and go after them. I'm sick of sitting each and everyday wondering,
"What the hell am I doing here??"... I was meant for so much more but what... I really
hate feeling so much older than I really am.

Well this sure calls for some cute shoes and a nice plate of spinach salad!!

We'll see.

Or go out on a date and wear some cute shoes and have someone else make
salad for me!!